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Rant:Sex Positive?

Sex Positive

If there is anything that I hate more in life it is trend following. Maybe my dislike for such attitudes comes from the rebellious days of my youth or maybe it rooted in my firm belief that trends are quite frankly stupid and sometimes can have harmful effects on some people.

Who can forget the Sex In The City great rabbit craze, most certainly I do not. At that time I worked in an Adult Store and saw many a female come in, blushing and stuttering as they asked for “that know that one that was in Sex In The City.” Insert eyes adverting in shame here.

Yes is was good that female masturbation got a positive portrayal in media. That female self pleasure was now on the lips of many, but what was horrible about that situation was the women who would return flabbergasted that the toy so raved about was actually a dud for them. A few even questioned if there was something wrong with them, maybe they were sexually defected in some way. I would quickly try my best to reassure them that no, they were not odd. That there are various different types of stimulation and what works for some may not work for others.

About the same time I kept hearing from friends about the need to be sexually promiscuous. They weren't pressuring me to fuck a lot, I already was and they knew that. They were talking about themselves. A combination of media hype in female oriented magazines and maybe even due to some of my own colorful stories they felt that they were lacking in sexual experience. Never mind the fact that for them a hedonistic lifestyle was not something that they truly desired, they just felt pressured to do it.

I remember asking them if they were happy and satisfied with their current sex lives. They would usually answer yes, and a few were even honest to admit that they were only tempted because a magazine article that they had read had said that a woman in charge of her sexuality does XYZ.

In return I would quickly point out that no, a woman who is charge of her sexuality does what she wants not what others say she should. That as long as one is happy, comfortable and satisfied with their sexuality there is no reason to step outside their comfort zone and engage in behavior that is not something they actually want to do. I would council them into doing what they wanted to do not what others said they should do.

In the sex blogging sphere there is a tendency to use the term Sex Positive. Is has become a trend of sorts for bloggers to tag their blogs with that phrase, yet many of these same bloggers screaming the term often times come across as arrogant ( I know more, therefore I know what is best for you) or question readers about the “standards” of a readers view or experience. A few have even gone so far as to actually question if another is abnormal because they don't enjoy some sexual act or sexual aids. Or applying pressure (subtly but still pressure none the less) to engage in everything from open relationships, having multiple partners, BDSM to entrusting our pleasure to be in their hands because they know what will work for us. Ahhh how the hell is this being sex positive.

I have even encountered one blogger that is so arrogant, so fucking pretentious that I can't help but laugh knowing that they are eventually going to crash and burn in this industry  when others see the self righteous tone flimsily hidden under the guise of helping others.

Being sex positive is not only about promoting and exploring your own sexuality is a healthy, safe and non judgmental way but also recognizing that different people have different preferences, wants, and needs and being non judging in situations where you encounter those people that are different then yourself. As a sex positive blogger you should focus on sex education, safety and understand that as long as all parties are consenting that you shouldn't judge. Not screaming how your sexual preferences are right and everyone else is wrong. There is nothing wrong with promoting your own sexual lifestyle, the problem is when you treat yours as the only correct one. 

You should be a voice of empowerment, helping and supporting others in the recognizing what is right for them,  encouraging them to be true to themselves and not fold under pressure to engage in activities that are wrong for them or not something that they like.

I am not even going to touch upon the misandry that permeates in many of the blogs but I will say this, empowering one gender by bashing another is not empowerment. It is marginalizing others in an attempt to make one seem more superior when in reality we are all pretty much equal. You can empower one and not have to paint the others in a negative light.


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