Confessions of a Slut: Mental Illness

Mental Illness

Mental Illness does not mean crazy.

Mental Illness does not mean psycho.
Mental Illness is just that, an illness.

Mental Illness does not define who I am.

But Mental Illness does effect every aspect of my life.

My sex drive can be over drive. Porn and masturbation taking up much of my day.
 Or leave me entirely,wanting nothing and finding no pleasure in it.
My sex drive follows the ebb of my moods.

These moods effect my work performance:

At times I can have bursts of productive energy that seem limitless. 

Other times I am so distracted by racing thoughts that I can't concentrate.

And yet other times I lack energy and drive to leave my bed let alone work.

I can feel worthless and wracked with guilt, contemplating leaving this life behind.
Thought of death and suicide occupying every thought.

I can feel unstoppable, on top of the world. So full of ideas and energy that I feel I might burst.

I can feel paranoid, out of control and slip into periods of psychosis.

I have experienced the extreme delusional highs of mania
and the suicidal lows of depression.
I have had the experience of mixed state, where symptoms of both are present.
These episodes can last weeks if not months.

I do not swing between two extreme poles constantly.
I have some periods of "normal" or baseline.
I cherish these times when I am not at mercy of an ill brain.

I can be difficult to be around.
Unpredictable.
Arrogant.
Risk taking.
In the throes of psychosis.
Manic.
Irritable.
Agitated.
Apathetic.
Melancholic.

I am not Bipolar.

I have Bipolar!

                                                      

*My recent lack of posts was due to battling the symptoms of Bipolar 1 Disorder, which rose its ugly head after years of being stable.  I plan on doing a post about sexual health, relationships and mental health in the near future.