Sex Positive
If there is anything that I hate more in life it is trend following.
Maybe my dislike for such attitudes comes from the rebellious days of
my youth or maybe it rooted in my firm belief that trends are quite
frankly stupid and sometimes can have harmful effects on some people.
Who can forget the Sex In The City great rabbit craze, most certainly
I do not. At that time I worked in an Adult Store and saw many a
female come in, blushing and stuttering as they asked for “that
toy..you know that one that was in Sex In The City.” Insert eyes
adverting in shame here.
Yes is was good that female masturbation got a positive portrayal in
media. That female self pleasure was now on the lips of many, but
what was horrible about that situation was the women who would return
flabbergasted that the toy so raved about was actually a dud for
them. A few even questioned if there was something wrong with them,
maybe they were sexually defected in some way. I would quickly try
my best to reassure them that no, they were not odd. That there are
various different types of stimulation and what works for some may
not work for others.
About the same time I kept hearing from friends about the need to be
sexually promiscuous. They weren't pressuring me to fuck a lot, I
already was and they knew that. They were talking about themselves. A
combination of media hype in female oriented magazines and maybe even
due to some of my own colorful stories they felt that they were
lacking in sexual experience. Never mind the fact that for them a
hedonistic lifestyle was not something that they truly desired, they
just felt pressured to do it.
I
remember asking them if they were happy and satisfied with their
current sex lives. They would usually answer yes, and a few were even
honest to admit that they were only tempted because a magazine
article that they
had read had said that a woman in charge of her sexuality does XYZ.
In return I would quickly point out that no, a woman who is charge of
her sexuality does what she wants not what others say she should.
That as long as one is happy, comfortable and satisfied with their
sexuality there is no reason to step outside their comfort zone and
engage in behavior that is not something they actually want to do. I
would council them into doing what they wanted to do not what others
said they should do.
In the sex blogging sphere there is a tendency to use the term Sex
Positive. Is has become a trend of sorts for bloggers to tag their blogs with that phrase, yet many of these same bloggers screaming the term often times
come across as arrogant ( I know more, therefore I know what is best
for you) or question readers about the “standards” of a readers
view or experience. A few have even gone so far as to actually
question if another is abnormal because they don't enjoy some sexual act or sexual aids. Or applying pressure (subtly but still
pressure none the less) to engage in everything from open
relationships, having multiple partners, BDSM to entrusting our
pleasure to be in their hands because they know what will work for
us. Ahhh how the hell is this being sex positive.
I have even encountered one blogger that is so arrogant, so fucking
pretentious that I can't help but laugh knowing that they are
eventually going to crash and burn in this industry when
others see the self righteous tone flimsily hidden under the guise of helping
others.
Being sex positive is not only about promoting and exploring your own
sexuality is a healthy, safe and non judgmental way but also
recognizing that different people have different preferences, wants,
and needs and being non judging in situations where you encounter
those people that are different then yourself. As a sex positive
blogger you should focus on sex education, safety and understand that
as long as all parties are consenting that you shouldn't judge. Not screaming how your sexual preferences are right and everyone else is wrong. There is nothing wrong with promoting your own sexual lifestyle, the problem is when you treat yours as the only correct one.
You
should be a voice of empowerment, helping and supporting others in
the recognizing what is right for them, encouraging them to be true to themselves and not fold under pressure to engage in activities that are wrong for them or not something that they like.
I am not even going to touch upon the misandry that permeates in many
of the blogs but I will say this, empowering one gender by bashing
another is not empowerment. It is marginalizing others in an
attempt to make one seem more superior when in reality we are all
pretty much equal. You can empower one and not have to paint the
others in a negative light.
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